Entering The Depths Of MTV Hell
For many people in their late 20s and early 30s who grew up during the golden age of MTV and haven't watched the channel in some time, this may come as a shock. But what's even more puzzling is Viacom's attempt to marry its MTV network with gaming content, since this would entail bringing together two distinctly different audiences. To get an idea of where MTV is going, I decided to see where the network was currently at and took an entire day to watch nothing but MTV. Here's what happened:
9:00 a.m. - "The Big 10"
No, it's not a wet T-shirt contest. Big 10 shows the 10 hottest videos in MTV's rotation. There are hardly any videos during the hour and the ones they do show seem very short. Are they being abridged? Is this what the world has come to? Most of them appear to be unoriginal, carbon copy pop rock and light hip hop acts, and the videos themselves basically consist of a lot of dancing, beautiful people and bare midriffs. There's no trace of the great, visionary artistry created by directors like Spike Jonze. I'm depressed already.
10:00 a.m. - "MTV Soundtrack: Step Up"
This is a half-hour segment on the soundtrack of the upcoming movie "Step Up," which tells the story of Tyler Gage (played by Channing Tatum), "a rebel from the wrong side of Baltimore's tracks" who works as a janitor at a the prestigious Maryland School of Arts and becomes the dance partner of a beautiful ballet student (professional concert and video dancer Jenna Dewan). It's obvious the MTV producers are shamelessly hocking the soundtrack to the film, which like a lot of movies these days, will be the best part of the film. I learn that Channing is an expert "street dancer" in real life. Good for him. Also, Jenna Dewan apparently dated Justin Timberlake after Britney Spears, and that Britney once ran into Timberlake and Dewan at a club and challenged them to a "You Got Served"-like dance competition. I've got 12 more hours of this. Please kill me.
10:30 to 12:00 - "Making the Band 3"
Remember how big Sean Combs was a few years ago? There was a time in the late 1990s when Combs was on top of the world as a best-selling rap star, an influential businessman and a high-powered producer and record executive. He was hotter than the Maharaja's curry. Then in 1999, he released a bad album, got in a lot of legal trouble, was dumped by Jennifer Lopez and changed his nickname a dozen times. Now he's doing Pepsi commercials and "Making the Band," a barely watchable reality show that attempts to manufacture a hit band through numerous auditions (previous seasons featured the immortal boy band O-Town). Season Three's act is a completely unoriginal girl-band called "Danity Kane," and during one episode the girls describe how the came up with the puzzling name for the band - it's the name of a cartoon superhero created by one of the band members. Then during Danity Kane's first video show, which involves the scantily clad quintet dancing on Hollywood Blvd. in the middle of the night, one band member says the video will "define our talent."
And just so you know, I'm getting a nosebleed as I write this.
Sean "Diddy" Combs
12:00 to 12:30 - "Making the Video"
As if the previous 90 minutes of Danity Kane weren't enough, MTV subjects me to another 30 minutes of the girl group in a "Making the Video" episode that goes even deeper into the making of their talent-defining video. The only notable part of this is that it marks the first actual video I've seen on the channel since before 10 a.m. this morning.
