Introduction
Ah the 80s, that ever-bubbling font of nostalgia and silliness. It was an important time for popular culture that saw the beginnings of the home computer, Ghostbusters, Rambo, MTV, and countless other diversions to keep our young minds off the possibility of nuclear war. As if the threat of apocalypse or a communist invasion weren't enough - thanks for the nightmares, Red Dawn - children of the '80s were sometimes forced to seek shelter from their own toys. I'm pretty certain that the Army could have annexed a third-world country armed only with lawn darts and kerbangers (they're not toys, they're bolas!).
This was a time when wearing a helmet while riding a bike resulted in a wedgie, and wearing your seatbelt in the car was optional. It's a wonder that any of us made it out of Thunderdome alive, but we did and here we are now - certainly older, perhaps wiser, and desperately in search of our youth. With Michael Bay's Transformers racking up ticket sales and cashing in on the '80s toy craze, I offer my suggestions to Hollywood on what other properties might reap similar rewards. Some of these are meant as a joke (perhaps), and some might actually work. You can decide which are which.
10. Chuck Norris and the Karate Kommandos
Movie Pitch: "It's Walker Texas Ranger leading The Usual Suspects"
Chuck Norris and the Karate Kommandos
Chuck keeps pretty busy these days by chasing Mountain Dew kids on TV, evangelizing about the Total Gym with Christie Brinkley, and being an Internet sensation, but it wasn't always so. During his heyday in the '80s not only did he rescue P.O.W.s from Vietnam on the weekends, he was also a top secret government agent who battled The Claw and Super Ninja with his eclectic band of "Karate Kommandos". The Kommandos were made up of Tabe the sumo wrestler, Kimo the samurai, Reed Smith the younger "Chuck", Pepper the mechanic, and a kid named Too Much. It was an ensemble cast of lovable characters, each of whom brought their own contributions to the team.
Norris is seeing a resurgence of popularity of late, and this could be the vehicle to put him back on top...or at least somewhere in the middle. What I never understood was why it was "Karate Kommandos" but Chuck's car was the "Karate Corvette". You'd think Chuck could bend the will of Chevrolet...
9. Manglors
Movie Pitch: "It's Godzilla and an alien invasion but with removable arms and legs"
Manglors
Toy manufacturers eventually realized that a considerable number of their toys ended up being torn apart or blown up by young boys. This realization lead to a string of figures that were pliable - nay, "torturable" - and nearly indestructible. This allowed children to rend them limb from limb with sadistic glee, only to be able to piece them back together with no harm done. Manglors was the top drawer of these rubbery, masochist action figures, and included the Manglodemon, Manglodragon, Manglizard, and eventually the Manglord from Manglor Mountain. Imagine an enormous dragon who sticks his limbs back on in different places after they are torn off terrorizing a city, or an army of marauding humanoids reassembling each other after getting blown up and cut to pieces in battle. It's B-level horror/action at its finest! You know what, these things were probably poisonous, too.
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