Fox News Flash: PLAYSTATION PORNABLE!!!! EEEVVVVIIILLLL!!!!!!
So, Fox 29 has wheeled out the plastic newscasters and concerned inflections to have a go at the PlayStation Portable. Apparently you can access pornography on it via the WiFi browser. I Am Personally Shocked And Appalled By This. Watch the video, or allow me to paraphrase.
MALE FOX TYPE: Is the PSP on your kids Christmas list? Well,
mmuuuaaahhhaaaa, boy do I have news for you!
FEMALE FOX TYPE: I don't want to ruin anyone's Christmas... it's just that it helps ratings
FEMALE FOX VOICEOVER: Portables are all the rage. Everyone has one... and they're Insidious. You can do more than play football or race cars... and no, I'm not mentioning the violent video games we trashed in our previous video game spot... yet. I want to make this out as a wholesome product before destroying everything you believe in. Mmmmuuuaaaahhhhaaaaa.
This thing is actually a giant porn downloading super-computer!
CONCERNED POLICE OFFICER: Parents can watch their kids in the kitchen, or the living room... but not while they have a mobile PSP. Or, maybe just if they just don't care.
FEMALE FOX VOICEOVER: Pandora's box!!!!!
...Erm, what's a Pandora's
box?
[Porno flashes on screen, cue concerned mother strapping in child]
CONCERNED MOTHER: What the hell dude?! This thing can access the internet?!!?!!?! And it's meant for kids???!!!!! Why didn't I read the friggen manual???!?!?!?!?!?!
[Cue kid who looked at porn on his PSP... using school WiFi... wait, no, wait, I think I might just see a way in which that might have been prevented... Nope, there it goes again... let's just get back to Banning This Sick Filth]
APOLOGETIC CHILD: I swear I turned it off right when the naughty pictures flashed up on screen.
INTERNET SECURITY EXPERT: Ohh, it's incredibly easy to find. It's that other evil company, Google. In fact, they're all evil in that technology world.
FEMALE FOX VOICEOVER: The stooges of pornography are even cashing in on porn on the PSP! But erm, and you can stop listening to me now, you need a credit card and actual money to be of any interest to pornographers. But hey, supposing your kid gets a credit card? I mean, you bought them a PSP without thinking of the consequences, why not?
...Ugh, I canne go on. So boring, so clich馘 and so simplified it could only be aimed at an audience of easily frightened parents who will, never the less, go out there and give their kids a piece of technology without understanding how it works or even, apparently, what it can do.
Comments (3)
Presumedly the outraged parent types are also the ones that never masturbate and
think sex is immoral and who's idea of the the birds and the bees is to have
public schools teach abstinence only. So in the final analysis, who cares? In
lieu of real sex education about what makes a baby, a visual aide is better than
nothing. Those who would say pornography (trans: language of whores)is harmful
are the same ones who misunderstood the sin of onanism. Onanism wasn't
masturbation as often thought but rather coitus interuptus. Expect if more
understood this, less would object to porn since it often goes hand in hand
(hehe) with masturbation.
Posted by Anonymous | November 12, 2006 12:57 AM
Posted on November 12, 2006 00:57
Wow! I just recently learned that LAPTOPS can access the internet too! and so
can CELL PHONES! And PDAs! These devices should be banned as well. Fox needs to
do another special on PCs = Pornable Computers and how children should never be
able to use such devices.
Posted by Anonymous | November 16, 2006 1:01 PM
Posted on November 16, 2006 13:01
Wow. Just wow. What will they attack next? Can't they just leave our tech alone? Besides, if the kids want porn, they'll find a way to access it. If not, they'll be able to avoid it. At least, that's what I think. Besides, it's perfectly natural. If I ever catch my son jackin' it, I'm just gonna tell him to lock the door next time and leave.
Posted by Shadow2by4 | August 27, 2007 2:15 AM
Posted on August 27, 2007 02:15