Yes, yes, I stole this off the internet, various sources including this one.
But it's funny, so we're publishing it. Kudos to whomever first came up with
this. Given the preoccupation with cows, I'd be willing to bet he or she was
Irish.
Sheep are for the Isle of Man people.
Government:
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them
in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the
cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and
put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by
ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government
took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and
eggs as the regulations say you need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take
care of them and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of
them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but
the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them
and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to
tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you
can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk
them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk
down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the
missing cows.
PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price
or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.
Economy:
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You
sell them and retire on the income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon
image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk
themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows
But you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and
learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows
None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high
bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRISH FARMER:
You have two cows.
You claim government subsidies for eight cows